I Am Watching and Waiting For You

Fandom: Persona 3 aka Shin Megami Tensei Persona 3
Written for: Synesthesia in the Yuletide 2008 Challenge
by Jude

Excerpts from AIGIS LOGS 23082009-20112009

23082009 LOG

I comprehend that I must perform in a more human-like manner in order to blend in with human society. To this end, I have determined to utilize this log as a means of noting -- in a more human way -- my progress in addressing my performance faults.

I have been programmed with many social interactions and with methods of concealing my less human anatomy. However, these have sometimes been received with confusion or amusement. Therefore, I will model my behavior, adapted for my individual scenarios, on the human females with whom I work in close proximity: the members of SEES.

24082009 LOG

Observations: Yamagishi Fuuka

This human female is physically very small and unathletic. She spends a great deal of time utilizing computer systems. In this way, I am similar to her, but I, of course, am able to interface directly with most systems. This is certainly not a human trait, and therefore, to behave in a more human fashion, perhaps I should interact with computers in the way that Yamagishi-san does.

However, my central processor is capable of analyzing many more data points than are available via the human computer interface, and when I attempted to use the human interface, Sanada-san inquired if I was well, because I was staring at the computer screen without doing anything. I must conclude that this is similar to the human sensation of boredom, of which Iori-san frequently complains.

I will observe Yamagishi-san for other behaviors to emulate.

25082009 LOG

Observations: Takeba Yukari

This human female achieves good grades through diligent study, wears clothing that is considered to be somewhat stylish and age-appropriate, if not strictly in accord with school regulations, and excels as an athlete in the school archery club. As a combatant, she is known for her ability to successfully analyze the needs of others, as well as effectively perform combative maneuvers. She is generally very observant of and reactive to the moods of the humans around her, and is somewhat critical of humans who lack this capacity, especially males. Perhaps this contributes to her popularity with other human females. I have been unable to analyze what contributes to her popularity with human males.

I am unable to wear clothing like hers, given my anatomical dissimilarity to humans. Thus, I am unable to achieve the sort of "style" she portrays. I am not permitted to participate in athletic clubs, as my systems are capable of outperforming any human athlete, and this extends to my combat potential as well. My memory is superior to that of humans, so studying is not a behavior that I must perform. I suspect that I am engaging in an action similar to her study of the psychology of her fellow humans by attempting to follow my orders. I require more data about human behavior -- especially actions and reactions -- before I can emulate her means of modifying the actions of others.

26082009 LOG

Observations: Kirijo Mitsuru

This human female is the daughter of the head of the Kirijo Group, and is considered to be an outstanding student and leader. She is the president of the student body, fences, speaks several languages fluently or semi-fluently, and is extremely competent in combat. Kirijo-san dresses stylishly, and I have heard her clothing described as "sophisticated," an adjective I have never heard in conjunction with observations regarding Takeba-san.

There can be only one leader of the student body, and the student council, her group of advisors and enforcers, is not seeking new membership. I have previously discussed my athletic and combat abilities, and my inability to emulate humans in those arenas. And I have been unable to analyze either the purpose of using trace amounts of other languages in speech or the correct amount to utilize.

Kirijo-san's behavior is contradictory in the extreme. While she is a leader of her peers, and participated in the founding of SEES, she has turned leadership of SEES in combat over to another member. She has also surrendered her role as guide and observer to another member. She seems to prefer the role of team member to team leader. However, the members of SEES all appear to continue to hold her in respect and awe.

She is accorded this respect and awe almost universally; she sometimes appears to behave in a manner that suggests she expects this respect, and at other times, refuses it, preferring a less formal means of interacting with other humans.

I have seen her portray emotions I have identified (and, at times, confirmed with Takeba-san) as guilt and regret when discussing Tartarus and the Dark Hour. However, I know from my files that the event that precipitated the Dark Hour was not her fault. She appears to carry what humans refer to as an "emotional burden" regarding the subject. I have not been able to analyze the reasons or purpose behind this.

She and Takeba-san appear to have achieved some level of comprehension of each other's motivations and behaviors. I have observed that Takeba-san watches Kirijo-san closely, especially her face, presumably watching for minute changes of expression that might inform their interactions. Twice, I have seen Kirijo-san notice Takeba-san's regard, and Takeba-san has reacted the same way each time: by looking away and experiencing an acute alteration in surface blood flow in her face. I have observed this reaction in many other adolescent humans, but have been unable to determine what elicits it in an empirically repeatable fashion. I understand from data in memory that the physiologic process of blushing is most frequently associated with embarrassment. I am unsure why Takeba-san would be embarrassed by watching Kirijo-san when everyone watches her. Perhaps it has something to do with the intensity of scrutiny?

27082009 LOG

I have determined that attending school will provide me with more subjects to study for behaviors, as well as providing more data regarding human actions and reactions. I have informed Takeba-san of this. She seemed to regard the subject as somewhat humorous. When she joked about it, Kirijo-senpai said, "That is an excellent idea, Takeba-san," while looking at me. She continued, "I will see about arrangements at once."

01092009 LOG

I have been provided with camouflage and a false identity so I can attend school with the other SEES members. I expect this experience to be extremely informative, as does the Chairman.

I regret, however, that I will be enrolled as a junior. I will be in a class with Takeba-san, Iori-kun, and our team leader, and this is excellent, as I can continue to be at his side. However, it means I will be unable to make close observations of Kirijo-senpai in the school setting.

04092009 LOG

It is difficult to determine which females to study and analyze at school. Given the nature of the environment, it is hard to isolate a single individual; human females appear to travel in packs, and human males appear to do so as well. Takeba-san possesses the ability to become part of the pack that has accepted her effortlessly. There is some social barrier -- perhaps a form of initiatory ritual -- that prevents strangers from integrating with such groups.

From what I can determine of the pack structure in Yamagishi-san's section, Yamagishi-san has not undergone such an initiation, though she interacts extensively with Moriyama-san, who apparently has. I understand from an examination of the SEES mission records that Moriyama-san and Yamagishi-san appear to share a bond of affection from the June mission, though there is no way that Moriyama-san could remember what occurred.

I regret that I cannot study Kirijo-senpai's interactions with her group or analyze how she overcame the social barriers to apparently become the leader of the entire school. She is an amazing specimen, and I must find other means to observe her behaviors.

08092009 LOG

Perhaps Kirijo-senpai's means of breaking the social barriers was merely seizing responsibility for those around her, as she does with SEES, despite the fact that she has nominally handed over leadership of SEES to another. She visits the Strega member Chidori daily in the hospital. She says that this is in order to question the girl, but Yukari-san has indicated that there is more to the visitations. I have carefully studied Kirijo-senpai's behaviors, and I believe that I have begun to discern some of the signs that Yukari-san perceives so easily: concern is clear in her facial expressions.

I have recalled that the surveillance system in the dormitory is considerable. In order to maintain my watch over the SEES leader, I have begun to utilize it. Would it be... unethical to use the systems at my disposal to similarly increase my skills in performing the human role?

16092009 LOG

I believe the Chairman has noticed my use of the surveillance system. He has not made any direct comment, but I have noticed that the surveillance logs are being purged every afternoon before anyone can get home from school. Perhaps I should ask him whether he believes I am in error.

I have been studying Kirijo-senpai assiduously, though I use a full data blackout when she is performing some action that clearly requires privacy, such as changing clothes. She possesses a prodigious quantity of garments, though she has clear favorites for studying and lounging.

Her study habits are precise and diligent: after she returns home from school, she immediately does all her homework. Then she goes downstairs for dinner and a brief time of socializing with other SEES members. I make a point to be in the lounge when she comes downstairs, so that I can study her firsthand. Eventually, she returns to her room and does her extra school work.

On nights that we do not go to Tartarus, she sometimes walks around her room, reading aloud from a foreign language text, apparently practicing her pronunciation. Other times, she will put on her pajamas and read silently in bed.

Even when she is sitting still, studying or reading, I receive useful data from observing her. The ways in which she sits, or chews her pencil, or taps her chin thoughtfully are worth working into my emulation scripts, adapted, of course, for my anatomical limitations.

04102009 LOG

Aragaki-senpai was killed tonight. Ken-kun is extremely traumatized, as are Yukari-san and Fuuka-san. The boys are very composed and grim. Well, Akihiko-senpai and our leader are. Junpei-kun is not very composed. Ken-kun, Yukari-san, Fuuka-san, Junpei-kun, and our leader spent some time talking about it downstairs. Akihiko-senpai went out for a while, came back, and sat quietly before going to his room.

I obviously knew Aragaki-senpai, and I am deeply angered by the actions of Strega. My mental processes are in turmoil as I attempt to logically deduce the location of the Strega members and plan all means of attack or capture I can consider. When I encounter obstacles to the goal of capture, I begin again, trying to find a way around the obstacles. This leads to a great deal of repetitive thinking.

Engaging in my usual surveillance habits allowed me to slow the repetitions and achieve a kind of calm. Mitsuru-senpai, after behaving in an extremely composed fashion with the authorities regarding Aragaki-senpai's death and body, went directly to her room. She sat at her desk for a long time with her head in her hands. I could not tell if she was weeping or not until she sat back and I could perceive the clear visual evidence of tears. She took two analgesics, changed into her pajamas, and went to bed.

I considered going to her room to see if I could be of service shortly after I saw her tears, but decided against it. If Yukari-san was not offering comfort to Mitsuru-senpai, I suspected that it would be inappropriate for me to do so.

10102009 LOG

The mood of the team is depressed and grim, though Akihiko-senpai appears to have recovered his composure and determination. I approached Mitsuru-senpai last evening in the bathroom on the third floor, because all data seemed to indicate that I should.

"Mitsuru-senpai," I said. We were each standing at one of the mirrors.

"Hm?" she said, seeming distracted.

"I understand that you continue to be upset over Aragaki-senpai's death," I said. "If you require a confidante in the matter, please consider me at your service." I had spent several days perfecting what to say, even though I lost a certain amount of necessary immediacy by taking so long to determine the proper course.

She blinked at me in a manner I interpreted as surprise. "Thank you, Aigis," she said. "I appreciate your offer very much."

I turned toward her, away from the mirror, and bowed (I calculated the angle precisely). "I do not sleep, Mitsuru-senpai, so if you require my services during the night..."

She made a short, startled movement and blushed slightly. "Ah, thank you, Aigis, I understand what you *meant* to say with that."

It took me longer than I thought to understand *her* meaning, and my physiologic mechanisms did not fail to produce the appropriate reaction. "I am sorry," I said hurriedly, bowing more deeply.

"No, it's nothing," she said, turning to go. "Really, thank you."

I am reexamining my speech filters to see if I can prevent this kind of awkwardness in the future.

02112009 LOG

I located records in the Kirijo system regarding the incident Mitsuru-san referred to this evening -- the one that awakened her to her Persona. There wasn't much information, but I also located photographs of her as she grew up, records of the scientists who tested her Persona, and analyses of her combat capabilities.

As I was analyzing this content, Yukari-san knocked on Mitsuru-senpai's door.

"I just wanted to... to say something to you, senpai," Yukari-san said after Mitsuru-san opened the door.

"Yes?" Mitsuru-san said, one hand negligently set against the doorjamb.

"I don't think you were the cause of the rest of us having Personas," Yukari-san said, eyes fixed on Mitsuru-san's bare feet. "I think it was there, just waiting, and you were the first person clever or... or motivated enough to find it."

Mitsuru-san smiled slightly. "Thank you, Takeba. Hearing you say that... well, it's very important to me."

Yukari-san blushed and bowed. "Well, I just... I know you blame yourself for so many things, senpai. I just wanted to say that I didn't think you should blame this on yourself too."

"Thank you," Mitsuru-san said in a strange and gentle voice, and she bowed to Yukari-san.

Yukari-san bowed in return and ran away down the hallway to her own room. Mitsuru-san watched her go, then went back inside and closed the door. She went right to bed after that.

03112009 LOG

The final battle on the Moonlight Bridge. The end of the Dark Hour. Facing down those who murdered Aragaki-senpai.

Mitsuru-san is sleeping very soundly for the first time in weeks. Normally, she tosses and turns, but she is still, and sometimes, she smiles, just a little.

04112009 LOG

No. No. NONONONONONO52341110100010110 end fault error redo from start.

05112009 LOG

I am responsible. I am responsible. I am responsible. I am responsible.

06112009 LOG

I remember very little after the Chairman took me to the lab. He had some sort of mechanism prepared. My consciousness was suppressed. Everything seemed very far away and hazy. Only the Chairman's voice penetrated the fog with a sensation that was like what my systems interpret as pain and the feeling that someone else was moving my body.

I watched through the clouds as I defeated my friends and bound them as the Chairman wanted "for the sacrifice." I hurt them all, even him, even...

It was easy, so easy, to sit quiescent inside my robotic skull, obeying the lash of his voice, waiting for the Chairman to bring about the end of the world. I stood by, waiting for orders. I set my gun on Kirijo Takeharu, was ready to shoot him...

... until I heard Mitsuru-san's scream: "Please, Aigis! No!"

It hurt, but I lowered my gun, because to do anything else would hurt more. I tried to clear my thinking, tried to find the thing that was muddling my cognitive functions, tried to route my processes around it.

Because I was unable to do so quickly enough, the Chairman was able to shoot Kirijo Takeharu, and vice versa. But I was able to free my teammates, so that Mitsuru-san could be at her father's side as he died.

I have never seen her this way. And it is my fault.

09112009 LOG

The new transfer student... I must guard them all from him. I sense something terrible and dangerous about his aura.

I hope Mitsuru-san returns soon. I am concerned for her.

10112009 LOG

She has returned. But she went directly to her room without saying a word. I watched her in her room, but she sat perfectly still for a long time, then began to get ready for bed. I cannot watch her sleep; it does not give me the same calming effect it once did.

14112009 LOG

I observed that Yukari-san glared at Ryoji after school today. I am glad that another of the SEES members shares my concerns about him. Yukari-san's talent for judging human behaviors is serving her well.

However, I perceived some odd behaviors in my teammates; in particular, I noticed that Yukari-san was watching Mitsuru-san even more closely than usual. When Mitsuru-san noticed once, *Mitsuru-san* blushed and looked away quickly, and Yukari-san smiled.

The exchange was synchronous with an odd... disruption in the sensory processors of my midsection.

18112009 LOG

We are on the school trip to Kyoto, and we have seen many of the famous shrines today. The hotel is large and full of students, as well as other guests. There are hot springs here, and Fuuka-san and Yukari-san have been attempting to talk me into going with them. I think the experience would be worthwhile, but my body will be difficult to conceal.

I miss my connection with the dormitory surveillance system. I am sharing a room with Yukari-san and Fuuka-san, however. This evening, Yukari-san hurried into the room after curfew.

"You're all flushed!" Fuuka-san said. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah," Yukari-san said, a little breathless. "I just ran because I knew I was late."

"Where were you?" Fuuka-san asked.

"Down on the riverbank," Yukari-san said. "I used to live around here, so I was being nostalgic and seeing if anything had changed. I ran into Mitsuru-senpai, and we... we were talking."

She blushed more as she rushed through the end her of her last sentence. Fuuka-san didn't seem to notice anything, though.

I wish I could talk with Mitsuru-san the way Yukari-san can.

19112009 LOG

Mitsuru-san is cheerful today, more cheerful than I have seen her in months. She and Yukari-san have been exchanging looks, blushes, and smiles that Fuuka-san does not seem to notice.

I... think that my sensory processors are malfunctioning again.

We went to the hot springs this evening. This was the first time I had allowed myself to see the other girls unclothed. I was fascinated by the differences in their bodies! My sisters and I were all built on the same specifications, so our basic bodies were not different. Humans, however, are remarkably variable. I had noted facial and fundamental structural differences, of course, but it is difficult to comprehend the concealed differences without seeing them clearly.

Judging from my scans and approximate measurements, Mitsuru-san's body is by far the most similar to an adult. Interestingly, she is also the most symmetrically-designed, which lends a particular aesthetic appeal to her body. I was glad I could record her image to consider privately, because otherwise, I might have stared at her the way Yukari-san was.

I do not understand why the boys can be shirtless, with their strange, square, bony chests while the girls must wear coverings over their more attractive chests at all times. Humans are so odd.

I was grateful for the ice cream that Yukari-san bought for me after the hot springs. I think I was experiencing an involuntary physiologic reaction from the heat. I will run a diagnostic when I return to the dormitory.

20112009 LOG

We have returned from Kyoto.


Late tonight -- it was after the Dark Hour -- I was watching the surveillance system as usual. Mitsuru-san got out of bed, put on her robe, and left her room. I thought she was going to the bathroom, but she walked down the hall and knocked softly on Yukari-san's door. I could see that Yukari-san was awake -- studying, I think. She opened her door and let Mitsuru-san into her room.

They were silent for several minutes, trading looks and blushes. Once or twice, one of them made a noise like she was about to say something, but it never happened.

I replayed the moment several times, slowing it down and focusing, and I can say authoritatively that Mitsuru-san was the first to move, but Yukari-san moved reciprocally, as if she had been expecting it.

It seemed like they kissed for a very long time, but it was precisely 48 seconds.


I am happy for Mitsuru-san. She and Yukari-san are well-made for each other, and they share many similarities.

One of which is, of course, being human.

I think I have learned all I can for my emulation behaviors. I cannot emulate... I am not... I cannot...

I will not utilize the surveillance system for this study again.

I will be by his side. That is the most important thing. And protecting my teammates from the thing that is Ryoji. Protecting this new, fragile thing that is giving Mitsuru-san some joy in her life.


I am a robot, and robots cannot wish.